In May 2014 I had my first Spinstered-related speaking opportunity: the Broken Beautiful BOLD inaugural event in Marion, Indiana. It was a joy to share my heart with the women — and a few men — who attended.
In my presentation, titled Finding Hope In Broken Dreams, I told of the grieving process I went through as a single woman … and how I came to see God’s purpose in my situation. On the other side of grief, I found a God who loved me. It’s as simple as that and something I’ve known all my life yet for so long I filtered His love through the context of my singleness. I felt unwanted and unloved by men and, therefore, God. And I wondered if the fact I didn’t have a husband meant God didn’t love me as much as He did other women.
But what I learned was that His love for me is not proved or disproved by my relationship status. More importantly, I’d spent all those years seeing marriage as the goal and God as a means to that end. Until the day I realized I needed to make God the goal.
I had to stop making my faith about what God could do for me. My hope must be found in living for Him alone.
Other topics I could speak about at your event:
* Am I Good Enough? — Every time I’m hit by another failure, I hear the voices: No one wants you. You can’t do it. You’re not good enough. I know these words are from the enemy, yet they ring so true and hurt so much. So, to push aside the negative thoughts and not only find our way back to good enough, but to who we truly are in Christ, I focus on four points: You Are Chosen, You Are Delightful, You Are Flawed, and You Are Not Trusting.
* Handling Regret — To get past regret is to remember and learn and change and never stop hoping. That’s been a big answer to prayer for me — I can be content single and still hope God has marriage in my future. I didn’t always feel that way. In fact, I used to hate it when people would throw the Philippians contentment verse at me, as if that was supposed to make everything better and magically take away the pain. They didn’t understand . . . and neither did I. All I knew was it hurt and demanding I just “be content” wouldn’t change that. I needed to find a way to hope again. Not in a man or a husband or even a great job, but in something more. And that “more” had everything to do with my relationship with God.
* The Myth of Happiness — Should we hope or even strive for happiness? In my experience, we get into a lot of trouble when we decide God’s laws — about marriage, work, relationships, sex, whatever — are flexible based on what will make us happiest. From what I’ve read, the Bible talks about joy for believers about 300 times but the words “happy” or “happiness” only occur about thirty times. Happiness depends on the fleeting iffy-ness of circumstances; joy dwells in the depth of our relationship with Christ. Once you find that, it’s amazing how unimportant all those insignificant little happy things become.